Book III (continued)

And the old man said, "In actual fact, brothers, I have been thinking for some days that I should say something to them, but then I argue with myself that if I can't put up with this little matter how will I manage if I get some major trial to bear? So I say nothing to them, and thus get accustomed to putting up with things."
The same old man said, "If you can't hold your tongue when angry you won't be able to control yourself either when tempted by lust."
92.  (Also in V.xvi.3 where there is a shorter version) Abba John was one day sitting in the midst of the brothers who were asking him about their thoughts. He gave a reply to each one of them, whereupon another old man said out of envy, "This John is like a harlot dressing herself up in order to attract a whole lot of lovers."
John replied, "Well yes, you are quite right. God has revealed to you the truth."
The other old man continued, "Yes, and your vessel, John, is full of poison."
John replied, "It is just as you say, abba, and what you have said is because of what you have seen of my outside. How much more you might have said if you could only have seen what I am like inside!"
One of the brothers then said to him, "Aren't you upset inside, abba, by what this old man has said?"
He replied, "No. Inside I feel exactly as I outwardly appear."
93.   (Also in V.xvii.8) There was an old man in Egypt, who before abba Poemen came upon the scene was held in great regard by everyone. But when abba Poemen arrived from Scete many left the old man and went to Poemen, which made him envious and say derogatory things about him. When abba Poemen heard about this he was very sad.
"What shall we do?" he said to the brothers. "Why have people caused me such great distress by leaving that holy man and coming to me who am nothing? How shall we make peace with this great man? Let us make some small rolls and take them to him, and a little wine, and share them with him. Perhaps by this we shall be able to quieten his soul."
So they went and knocked on his door. His disciple asked who was there.
"Tell your abba that Poemen is here wanting to receive his blessing," they said.
When he had heard what the disciple had to say, he replied, "Go and tell them to go away. I'm not free at present."
They were very disappointed at this, but they still persisted.
"We shan't go from here," they said, "until we have been able to pay him our respects."
Seeing their humility and patience he was conscience-stricken, opened the door and embraced them. And they all ate together.
"Truly," the old man said, "what I have seen in you today is a hundred times greater than everything I have ever heard about you."
And they were close friends from that day onwards.
94.  (Also in VII.x.1) There was a time when Abba Muthues built a cell for himself in the place called Heracleona. But when he found the presence of so many other people irksome he went somewhere else and built himself a similar hut. By the wiles of the devil he came up against another brother there who enviously quarrelled with him, so he left and went back to his original neighbourhood where he built another cell, inside which he shut himself up. After a while the old men in the place that he had left gathered together and decided to go and ask him to come back, taking with them the brother who had quarrelled with him. When they got near to where he was they left that brother in charge of their cloaks and went themselves to knock on the old man's door. He saw them through the open window, and said, "Where are your cloaks?"
They replied, "They are nearby with that brother who quarrelled with you."
After the old man had heard this and recognised who they were he joyfully took an axe to break down his door behind which he had shut himself up and ran to where the brother was. He apologised first, and embraced him, and invited them all into his cell where he entertained them for three days, even though he had the reputation of never being in the habit of relaxing his fast. In the end he got up and went back with them.
95.  (Also in V.xvii.6) Abba Agathon used to say, "I have never gone to sleep holding a grudge against anyone, and as far as I have been able I have never allowed anyone having a grudge against me to go to sleep before making peace with me."
96.   (Also in V.xvii.11) There were two old men living in a cell together who had never had any kind of quarrel between them.
"Let's have a quarrel," one of them said to the other, "just like other people do."
"I don't know how to do that."
"Well, I put this brick in between us and say, 'this is mine', and then you say, 'it's not yours, it's mine', and this causes trouble and strife."
So they put the brick between them.
"This is mine," said the first one.
"No, I think it is mine," said the other.
"It's not yours, it's mine!"
"Well, if it's yours, take it, then" said the other, after which they found that they had nothing else to quarrel about.
97. (Also in VI.iii.17) As blessed abba Macarius was praying, a voice once came to him saying, "You have not yet arrived at the stature of two women who live together in the nearby city."
So he picked up his staff and went out to visit that city and seek them out. Having found the house he knocked at the door, and one of the women came out and welcomed him in with great pleasure. When the two of them were together with him he asked,
"I've gone to quite a lot of trouble coming to visit you from the distant desert, in order to learn about your way of doing things. I hope you will agree to tell me all about it."
"Oh, come, most holy father, we have both been in the beds of our husbands this last night. What could you possibly learn from our way of going on?"
But the old man persisted in praying that they should tell him their rule of life.
"We are not related to each other, " they said, persuaded at last by his pleas, "but it so happened that we married two brothers, and for the last fifteen years we have lived together in this house and never said an angry word to each other. We have never quarrelled, but lived in peace with each other right up until now. And we agreed between us that if our husbands both were willing we would join a community of religious virgins. But our husbands have not allowed us to do that, in spite of all our pleas, so we made a vow between us and God that we would not indulge in any worldly chatter until the day of our death."
Having listened to all this the blessed Macarius said, "In truth, it is not important whether you are virgin, married, monk or secular; all God wants is a firm intention, and he gives his life-giving Spirit to all."
98.  (Also in V.vii.33) There was a brother living in a coenobium who was often subject to angry moods.
"If only I had no one to quarrel with," he said to himself, "perhaps I would get some respite from this passion. I'll go and live in the desert."
But one day after having gone to live alone in a cave, he filled a jar with water, put it down, and suddenly it tipped over. He filled it up three times and the same thing happened. He flew into a temper and picked up the jar and smashed it. He had a few things to think about when he came to himself.
"I have been deceived about the spirit of anger," he said. "Here am I, all alone, and I am still overcome by anger. I'll go back to the coenobium, where you need patience in the battle, but where also there is help from God. "
And he got up and went back to his former place.
99.  Also in V.xv.25) Blessed Macarius told this story about himself:
When I was a young man living in a cell, they took me and made me the cleric for the village. But I did not want this and fled to another place, where a certain devout secular ministered to me by selling my work for me. It so happened that a local girl had lustfully become pregnant, and when the parents forced her to say who was responsible, she said, "It's that anchorite of yours who has done this wicked deed".
The girl's parents seized me, hung earthen jars around my neck and dragged me through all the village streets, beating me unmercifully, and shouting, "This monk has forced our daughter!"
They had almost beaten me to death when one of the seniors intervened.
"Why are you beating this pilgrim monk so unmercifully? He has always dealt with me with manifest modesty, which calls into question the severe treatment you are giving him. What has he done that you make these accusations?"
"We will not release him," said his parents. "Not unless someone is willing to come forward as surety for our daughter's maintenance."
He said he would take me into his service, to which I agreed, upon which he gave his word on my behalf. We got back to my cell, where we agreed on how many baskets I could contribute, and who they would be sold to, and he would buy the food for 'my wife'.
I said to myself, "Macarius, you have found a wife for yourself. You will have to work very hard in order to support her." And I did work day and night that she could have her daily ration of food.
When it came time for her to give birth, she was in agony for several days with no result.
"What have you done [for this to happen]" she was asked.
"It's because my accusation of that anchorite was false," she admitted. "It was the boy next door who did it."
The man who was looking after me was overjoyed when he heard this
"That wretched girl," he said when he came to see me, "has said that it's because she had falsely blackened your reputation that she was unable to give birth, and all the neighbours are coming to ask your forgiveness."
When I learnt this, I hastily fled, lest these people should do me any more harm. And so I came to this place. So there you have the reason for my coming here.
100. (Also in V.ix.8 & VII.xxxix.2) A brother asked abba Poemen how to overcome his depression.
"Don't decide anyone is worthless, don't condemn anyone, don't slander anyone, and God will give you rest."
101. (Also in VII.xi.3) Abba Poemen used to say that Abba Isidore was the only one who truly knew himself. Whenever his thoughts told him how great he was he replied, "Do you compare with Antony, or Abba Pambo or the rest of the fathers who were all pleasing to God?" These thoughts quietened him down. When a demon worried him with thoughts of despair and punishment, saying, "After all this you will have to go to the place of torment", he replied, "Even if I am sent into torment, at least I shall find that you are lower down than I."
102. (Also in VII.xi.4) Demons often appeared to Abba Moses and cursed him, saying, "You have beaten us, Moses, and we can't do anything to you, for as often as we try to humiliate you into the depths of despair you are uplifted, and as often as you are uplifted you humiliate yourself in such a way that none of us can get near you."
103. (Also in VII.xi.5) A certain brother frequently used to come to Abba Sisois saying, "I have fallen. What shall I do, father?" To which he replied, "Get up again."
"But I have got up again, and also fallen again."
"Just go on getting up."
The brother kept on confessing his fallings and risings and the old man kept on telling him not to fail to get up again, until at last the brother said, "Explain to me, father, how long it is possible to go on getting up."
And the old man said, "Until you die - caught  either in the midst of a good deed or a bad one. For in whatever kind of deed you are taken, by that you will be judged."
104  (Also in V.vii.42) There was an old man who was grievously troubled by his thoughts for the space of ten years until driven to despair.
"My soul is lost," he said, "So seeing that I am to perish anyway, I might as well return to the world."
But as he went on his way he heard a voice.
"Those ten years of struggle are your crowning glory. Go back to your own place and I will set you free."
So he went back and took up his labours again.
It is not a good thing for anyone to fall into despair because of his thoughts. They provide us with a greater crown if we tread them under, no matter how much they bother us.
105  (Also in V.vii.1) When abba Antony was living in the desert, he was greatly troubled by dryness of spirit. Tied in knots by the multiplicity of his thoughts he cried out to God.
"Lord, I earnestly desire to be on the path of salvation but my chaotic thoughts don't allow me. What shall I do in this tribulation, or how may I become worthy of salvation, please tell me!"
A little later, as he looked out, he saw someone like himself, sitting down weaving ropes, then getting up from his work to pray. It was an Angel sent to help Antony.
"If you do likewise, Antony, you will be saved," he heard the Angel say. He was overcome with the greatest feeling of joy, and with renewed confidence was reassured.
106. (Also in V.vii.34) A brother had a question to ask an old man:
"What shall I do, father, for I don't conform to all the things a monk is supposed to do. I am sunk in negligence about my food and drink, and in my hours of sleep, and from hour to hour I flit about from thoughts of this to thoughts of that, and it saddens me that I fail."
"Sit in your cell," the old man said, "and do peacefully whatever you can, and put your trust in God. Anyone who sits in his cell for God's sake will find himself in the same place as abba Antony."
107. (Also in V.vii.28) Another brother had a question to ask abba Achillas:
"Why do I suffer from dryness of spirit as I sit in my cell?"
"Because you have not yet understood, brother, either the eternal rest that we hope for, or the torments that we should be frightened of," said the old man. "If you were to address these matters carefully, even to imagining the cell being full of serpents up to your neck, you would have no difficulty in staying in your cell without boredom."
108. (Also in V.i.1) A brother had a question for abba Antony:
"What should I do to please God?"
"Listen carefully to what I am telling you," said the old man."Always keep God before your eyes, and whatever you are doing, look in the divine Scriptures for your examples, and wherever you are living, don't be in too much of a hurry to move somewhere else, but patiently endure in the same place. If you observe these three things, you will be safe."
109. (Also in V.ii.1, attributed to Antony) When a brother asked abba Moyses for some instruction, the old man said:
"Go and sit in your cell, for your cell will teach you everything, as long as you stay there. For just as a fish dies when taken out of the water, so does a monk perish if he lingers long outside his cell."
110. (Also in VII.xii.2) A certain brother asked Abba Poemen whether it was better to live by yourself or with others, and the old man said, "If people are critical of themselves they will persevere anywhere, but if they exaggerate their own importance they will never ["nowhere" in VII.xii.2] endure. People should not boast about any good they might have done, for it might well be perishable."
111.  (Also in VII.xii.4) On one occasion a certain brother from Egypt visiting Abba Zeno in Syria began to accuse himself of his own thoughts in the old man's presence. And the old man marvelled, saying, "These Egyptians conceal the virtues which they do have and display vices that they don't have, whereas Syrians and Greeks preach about virtues which they don't possess and keep hidden the vices which they do possess."
112. (Also in V.xv.56 & VII.xiii.1) An old man said: "Anyone freely praised by people is in not a little danger to his soul. But anyone not held in honour among people will finally be given glory from God."
113. (Also in V.viii.20 attributed to Syncletica, & VII.xiii.2) The same man said: "Seed will not germinate among weeds, and it is impossible for those who get praise and glory from the world to enjoy the harvest of heaven.
114.  (Also in V.viii.19 attributed to Syncletica.) The same man said: "If your flaunt your riches you are in danger of being robbed. Similarly, if you boast about your virtues, they will perish. Just as wax melts in the fire, so does a soul softened by praise fall from its first integrity."
115. (Also in V.xv.54 & VII.xiii.3) The same man said: "When you are assaulted by thoughts of vainglory or pride, examine yourself whether you have obeyed all God's commandments, loved your enemies, rejoiced in the success of your enemy and been saddened at his fall. If you constantly realise that you are an unprofitable servant and a greater sinner than all others, you will never then think highly of yourself however much good you may do, for you will remember that any boastful thought undoes all the good."
116.  (Also in V.xi.38 & VII.xii.5) One old man said to another, "I am dead to this world."
"Don't be too sure of yourself," said the other, "until it is time for you to depart from out of your body. However much you may say that you are dead, the devil is not dead, and his wiles are without number."
117.  (Also in V.x.15) There was one old man who after living fifty years in the desert, living sparingly on bread and water, said that he had overcome vainglory and avarice. When abba Abraham heard about this he went to visit him.
"Is it true that that is what you said?" he asked.
"Yes it is."
"See now, if you are walking along the road and you see a lump of gold among the stones and broken bricks, do your thoughts tell you that each one is the same as the other?"
"No, but on the other hand I do battle with my thoughts. Avarice is still there, but controlled."
"Suppose one man likes you and praises you, another detests you and slanders you, do you have the same regard for one as you do for the other, if they come to see you?"
"No, but again I do battle with my thoughts and serve diligently the one I don't like."
"So then the passions do still live in you, but controlled by holy thoughts, which seem to be permanently part of you because of your way of life."
118. (Also in VI.iv.35 & VII.xii.7) There was an old man living in the inner desert who stayed quietly in his cave, ministered to by a devout secular man. It so happened that the son of this man fell ill, and with many prayers he begged the old man to come to his house and pray for the child. The old man got up and was walking back with him when the man ran on ahead to his house and went in crying, "Come out to meet the anchorite." When the old man saw them from afar, carrying torches, he realised that they were coming to meet him, so he stripped off his clothes and plunged them into the river, and began to wash them as he stood there naked.
When his friend saw it he blushed, and cried to his companions, "Go back, for the old man has lost his wits."
And going up to the old man he asked him what he was doing, for everyone who saw him had said "The old man has a demon!"
"And that is exactly what I wanted to hear," he said.
119. (Also in V.viii.10) When abba Moyses heard that a certain provincial judge desired to come and venerate him, he fled from his cell, but happened to meet the judge on the road.
"Can you tell me where abba Moyses' cell is?" he asked.
"What do you want to go and see that person for?" he asked. "He's not only stupid but a heretic."
The judge went back to the church and consulted the clergy.
"Having heard quite a lot about abba Moyses I thought I would go and get his blessing, but a monk who met me on the road told me he was a heretic."
The clergy were very sad to hear this and questioned him about the monk who had said that to him. 
"Well he was black, and very tall, wearing the most ancient of garments."
"Why that was Moyses himself," they said, and when he realised this he went on his way in astonishment.
120. (Also in VI.ii.13) When abba Sisois was living on the same mountain where Antony had hidden himself, a man was hurrying to him with his small son to ask for a blessing, when it so happened that the child died on the way. The father with a completely untroubled mind carried him to the old man in faith, went into his cell and prostrated himself and the child on the ground, as is the custom for those seeking a blessing. At the conclusion of the prayer the father got up and left the cell leaving the body of his son at the abba's feet. The old man thought that he was just lying there to pray.
"Get up, my son, and go," he said, not realising that he was dead. And the boy immediately got up and went out. When his father saw him he was astounded, and went back into the cell to venerate the old man, and faithfully explained to him first how the son had been ill and then that he had been mourning his death. The old man was very worried, for he did not want such tales as this to be noised abroad about him. And through his disciple he told the man never to reveal to anyone what had happened until after he was dead.

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